Over the past few years, I’ve set some goals for myself, when it comes to creative projects.

My number one objective is to get some happiness from creating again.

I look at my desk, my camera, my instruments, and it’s just too much. I already know I won’t be able to make something as good as I want it to be. I have no idea when it started. I don’t know why. I think I’ve always been a perfectionist. But I feel like it’s reached the next level. The level where I stop myself from creating anything. And I’ve been thinking: do I focus too much on the outcome? It feels like everything we do, as artists, has to be amazing. That’s how I feel, and that’s how I usually get stuck.

It’s like I don’t even enjoy the process anymore. What only seems to matter is the outcome. The process is what’s supposed to be fun! That’s where I get to be creative, scrappy and allow myself to explore things.

Yes, I want to create something that has meaning, that looks great and well thought. I want the shots to look purposeful, with beautiful lighting. I want the music to speak to me, I want it to have the right rhythm and help deliver the story. I want to be proud of the outcome. But right now, all of that is getting in the way. My pursuit of a great outcome is stopping me from starting anything.

I lost my sense of play.

I want it back.