Over the past few years, I’ve set some goals for myself, when it comes to creative projects.
My number one objective is to get some happiness from creating again.
I look at my desk, my camera, my instruments, and it’s just too much. I already know I won’t be able to make something as good as I want it to be. I have no idea when it started. I don’t know why. I think I’ve always been a perfectionist. But I feel like it’s reached the next level. The level where I stop myself from creating anything. And I’ve been thinking: do I focus too much on the outcome? It feels like everything we do, as artists, has to be amazing. That’s how I feel, and that’s how I usually get stuck.
It’s like I don’t even enjoy the process anymore. What only seems to matter is the outcome. The process is what’s supposed to be fun! That’s where I get to be creative, scrappy and allow myself to explore things.
Yes, I want to create something that has meaning, that looks great and well thought. I want the shots to look purposeful, with beautiful lighting. I want the music to speak to me, I want it to have the right rhythm and help deliver the story. I want to be proud of the outcome. But right now, all of that is getting in the way. My pursuit of a great outcome is stopping me from starting anything.
In the past few weeks, I’ve picked up journaling. I’m trying to do it every day. It’s not always easy, but it feels good. I find it freeing.
Even though I am writing the analog way, in a Moleskine notebook, I like typing on a keyboard. I’ve finally decided to buy a mechanical keyboard to go with my Mac Mini (with an M2 Pro!). I picked a Keychron K2 v2, with brown switches.
It just feels nice to type on a nice keyboard. I know it’s not going to make me write more video scripts, or more blog posts, but it just makes it an enjoyable experience. And I want to focus on nice things a bit more, the little bits that make you happier during the week.
So while I’m attempting to keep up with journaling every day, I want to look back once a month, on how that month felt, what happened, what I’ve tried, what I am looking forward to. I think it’s a good exercise.
Lately, I have been trying to be more intentional about focusing on being, rather than doing.
Be somewhere and absorb what’s happening. Sit, have a drink, just watch people go by. Listen to the river.
It’s okay if I don’t tick all the boxes on the travel guide, if I don’t finish that music track over the weekend or film stuff. Sometimes, part of me feels like I should always be doing something. But if I want to recharge my creative batteries, I need to allow myself to be. Go places. Meet people. Without agenda or todo list.
I’m just writing this down here so I don’t forget.
As I’m getting back into making music – and creating stuff in general – I find myself struggling with finding ideas, telling a story, getting past the finish line.
There’s probably something I am doing wrong here. There is so much I want to accomplish, and a lot I don’t know exactly how to do. Without fully knowing where I’m going, it can feel a bit daunting when I’m still not back at 100% of my energy levels.
So I’m leaning into what I know inspires me. I’m rediscovering what I’ve loved doing in the past, what I still enjoy experiencing today.
So for the next few weeks, I am going to try having fun, and avoid caring about making the best stuff possible. And the one thing that gives me energy at the moment is synthwave 🙂 There’s something to it, a formula, a pattern, a familiarity that feels like the music is hugging me. I know it’s weird.